Lil’ old Ottawa, capital city of the Great White North, shining outhouse on the banks of the mighty Ottawa river, thrusts its name into the headlines of the world again. The two renowned universities in the city, long-time rivals in the race for leading Bastion of the Absurd, Carleton University and the University of Ottawa, are neck and neck.
The University of Ottawa (affectionately known as U of Zero by Carleton inmates) and Carleton (affectionately known as Cartoon U by U of Zero inmates) are vying for the Bonehead Cup, the academic rival of the Stanley Cup, in the asylum of the Canadian Academy.
A year or so ago, U of Zero commandant, El Presidente Alan Rock, an excrescence of a previous Liberal regime, oversaw the banning of yoga classes on the grounds of “cultural appropriation”. (Will all non-Whites be banned from using computers as they were invented by White people? White men too, shock and horror!)
Not to be outdone, Cartoon U has fought back valiantly, by banning weight scales in the gym. There, that will put a stop to fat-shaming! “Fat Canadian snowflakes need no longer fear the terrifying judgement of gym scales…” as the Daily Telegraph (in Oz) so masterfully put it. Brilliant! That will transform Trigglypuff into the Sugar Plum fairy in the blink of an eye.
Indeed, as universities everywhere retreat from education and transition (?) into indoctrination camps, one wonders if the future supply of psychiatrists will be enough handle the snowflakes as they enter the real world. As for the faculty, there’s no hope for them. As The Donald would say, “SAD!”